im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
