please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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