We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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