checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
