Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
