Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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