my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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