can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
