So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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