I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
