So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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