This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
