now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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