and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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