physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
