I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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