So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
