Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
