Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
