I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
