I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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