You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
