Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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