Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
