I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
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John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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