i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
