he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
