I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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