and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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