no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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