He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
