HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
