Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"