was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
