mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.