Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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