Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.