The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.