you would pick up someone in the library
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
