walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Im part way to drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
