My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
