There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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