Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
