I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
