Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
