airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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