I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
