I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
