note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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