i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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