btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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