you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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