I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
