i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
