she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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