Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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