I think I died a long time ago.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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