you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
