apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The air was thick with penises
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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