Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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