nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you win again, gameday.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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