I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
