Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
