You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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