She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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