the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
