your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
