I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
