I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize