mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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