Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
