He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
