wanna go halves on a baby?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
