Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize