its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you still have your period?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
