I'd wear matching sweaters with you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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