You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize