My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
